as the last comments were positive

[alii_69]

a few more poems...

Johnny Sang

?You can?t put your arms around a memory?,
(Johnny sang through my stereo from beyond the grave)
How true, I thought, what?s the point in looking back?
?You?re just a basket case?, he continued,
I guess he?s right, who knows, who can tell?
When I?m holding onto your memory day in day out.
What?s the point when it just turned to shit I couldn?t stop it,
We didn?t try to stop it, how could we?
Our love was terminal, burnt to strong to last.

And anyhow, you probably don?t even remember my name,
I?m probably just a number in a list of many by now.
?Loved Him?, ?Used Him?, ?Shagged Him?, ?Fucked Him? wonder which I am?

?And even though they don?t show, these scares are so old?
(How true, what an insight Johnny had, what a tragic waste)
They?re hidden away, the scares that is, under a barrage of brash and bold words.

I still cave in occasionally, guess I?m not as strong as I thought.

I still get the urge to call,
to say I love you,
to see how you are,
Still wake up thinking of you;
still shed the occasional tear.

?Love?, you wrote in a Christmas card,
?if it?s still appropriate?
On a cold December evening, rain,
wind the usual clich?, but ain't it always?
Oh god I miss you still,
how can anyone else compare?
Least they can?t hurt me like you did.

All I?ve had since you are a few worthless one night stands,
Useless, dull, uncaring, unfeeling masturbation substitute for all intents and purposes.
Drink fuelled empty passion,
A brief compassion,
Ultimately lonely.

You can?t put your arms around a memory,
Don?t try?
Don?t try.


Paper Flowers

He handed her a bouquet of paper flowers,
To symbolise their eternal love.
She took them,
Tore them
And declared them as fake as his heart.

He picked up the pieces of his shattered romance,
Placed them in his pocket and left,
With a tear in his eye.

He took the pieces,
And placed them in the ground,
And buried his feelings
Six
Feet
Deep


All The Little Dark Thoughts

All the little dark thoughts
Of madness, genocide or megalomania
Of hatred, murder and genocide
Of perverse sexual acts and all that is evil.
All the little dark thoughts
That dance across my subconscious
All the little dark thoughts
That are subdued by the ever-right conscience
They play and holler and scream
The jig and swing and build houses
They build towns and cities on grey matter
They fight and war with purity
They fuck and spawn their bastard children
Giving themselves disillusioned humanity
Giving themselves speech and thought and will
Plotting and planning and scamming
Disguising themselves as good intentions
But unable to mask their sick stench
Seeping sprawling crawling ever upwards
In decaying ivory towers
Building towards the god-head
Biting scratching at eyes and biting
Waiting?.
Waiting for a moment of conscious weakness
To pray on securities
That falter and allow them true life
To wreak their havoc
To play their tune
To murder, rape, pillage and dance
Dance their sick movements
Dance their hideous deformity?
All the little dark thoughts?
Just biding their time.


I await your comments..!

[Hannibal]

Okay, glad to see you're not afraid to put your writings out there!!!
And ... glad to see that your writing is good!
An idea however -- make each poem an individual topic, it's sometimes easier for people to discuss them that way...
but anyways...
onto my blabbering thoughts...
.
Thoughts on Johnny Sang:
It seems difficult to read at some parts. I'm not really sure why, i think some of the wording and what not makes it seem "clunky"... and I kind of got the feeling like I had to force myself to read on.
But, once I got to the end... i loved the closing. I really did..

You can't put your arms around a memory. Don't try

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Awesome, really striking and provacative.
I really liked the closing line...
.
.
.
Paper flowers:
.
Paper flowers read MUCH more easily, probably the easiest of them all. And I think I liked this one the most too.
It had good imagery and movement. I didn't feel like I had to envision different scenes with each stanza, each moved into the next with beautiful flow.
Also, again, the closing lines... really put that "BAM" on this peice..
loved the closing lines.
You seem to have a nak for closings. hehehe.


.
All the Dark Little Thoughts:
At some points, it seemed forced, like you were searching for things to say - which translated to me as a reader, kind of having to force myself to read through some things.
I think ultimately the poem could be tightened up a bit, maybe cleaned a little here and there.
But I like the idea behind it. Only problem is - it plays on mankinds love for the macabre and morbid - then does nothing with it!
The poem doesn't go anywhere, it just leaves you hanging!
Maybe that's why I liked it and hated it at the same time!
I liked and hated the fact it left you kinda like "ok, they're waiting... i wish something would've happened!"
But, the wording was good, done very... appropriately i think is the word I want.
The words chosen in the poem, reflect it's overall mood well.
Good work!
.
.
these poems were really good!
again, maybe post each one as an individual topic..
easier for people to reply that way (it'll probably get you more replies too, hehehe)